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Old 01-29-2009, 04:10 PM
Bro. Parrish
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Default Some Things You Should Know By Now...

Got this list from a friend, some of these are pretty funny...

Some Things You Should Know By Now...

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
same night.

2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a
garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried
before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that you "evolved."

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks
before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. It's not the jeans that make your rear look fat.

26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why natural man has not
achieved, & never will achieve, his full potential, that word would be "sin."

27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

29. You should not confuse your career with your life. AGAIN, you should not
confuse your career with your life.

30. When you are surrounded by incompetence, it's easier to succeed.

31. Never lick a steak knife.

32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we put the clocks back.

34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

38. Your friends love you anyway.

39 . Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

The King James Bible Page SwordSearcher Bible Software
  #2  
Old 01-29-2009, 04:35 PM
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Kiwi Christian Kiwi Christian is offline
 
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Many of those I havn't read before, some were hilarious and had me laugh out loud, while some were convictingly true! Thanks brother.
  #3  
Old 01-29-2009, 05:27 PM
Winman Winman is offline
 
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Those were great, I know I can relate to many of them. Just this morning I had to drive into work, we had an ice storm, the roads were pretty slick. For the most part everybody was driving nice and slow, and keeping their distance one from another. But sure enough, this fellow comes up behind me, right on my bumper, one car length at most. I just slowed down to about 30 MPH (I had been going about 45 MPH) till he finally passed me. He sped ahead till he got to the next car in front of me, got right on that guy's bumper too!

As for number 3

Quote:
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
My Pastor said this was the dumbest excuse for not going to church ever. He asked if a professional golfer could be good without going to the golf course, or if a professional bowler could be good without going to the bowling alley?
  #4  
Old 01-29-2009, 07:17 PM
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JaeByrd JaeByrd is offline
 
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Quote:
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Winman View Post

My Pastor said this was the dumbest excuse for not going to church ever. He asked if a professional golfer could be good without going to the golf course, or if a professional bowler could be good without going to the bowling alley?
It isn't an excuse for not attending church. It simply states that church attendance isn't what makes one a Christian.

The analogy doesn't work anyway because you have a professional golfer and professional bowler what would qualify someone as a "professional Christian?" Someone who attends church often and is good at it? And those that aren't "Pros" are what? Hobbyists attending church?
  #5  
Old 01-29-2009, 07:32 PM
Winman Winman is offline
 
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I was just telling you what my Pastor says.

And I realize that going to church does not make you a Christian. However, I agree that a Christian who attends church regular will probably tend to be a better Christian. When I say better, I mean they will probably read their Bible more, and tend to backslide less.

Ever hear this one?

Son- I'm not going to church today.

Mother- Son, I really think you should go.

Son- Well, I don't feel like going, besides, nobody there likes me anyway.

Mother- Well son, you ARE the Pastor, I really think you should go.
  #6  
Old 01-30-2009, 06:11 PM
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stephanos stephanos is offline
 
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Great thread!

Peace and Love,
Stephen
  #7  
Old 01-31-2009, 03:14 PM
kittn1 kittn1 is offline
 
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If you don't know them by now, chances are you will soon..............
  #8  
Old 02-02-2009, 09:48 PM
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JaeByrd JaeByrd is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Winman View Post
I was just telling you what my Pastor says.
bias perhaps?
 

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