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Old 01-12-2009, 01:42 PM
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Forrest Forrest is offline
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Texas, USA
Posts: 597

Originally Posted by buzzoff1031 View Post
There's no way that my wife will either understand or submit right now. I can love her with all my being. But, do you think I still need to start going to church no matter what she says or what happens?
Personally, I do not think you need to go to a church at this point.

I would exhort you to do this instead. What I am about to suggest will require genuine brokenness on your part. It will require genuine love. It will require genuine humility. If you attempt to do this and it's not genuine, your wife will know it and you'll do more damage.

Remember "Buzz" that she is a weaker vessel and has different feelings (emotions) and needs than you do as a man. You cannot simply unload and dump all of your sinful garbage and wrong choices on her and expect her to react like a man would.

You wrote:

The problem is more that I haven't been faithful to Christ. It's like one day I want to follow him, the next I'm a buddhist. Add to that the fact that I have an addiction to porn and I can't blame her. How do I become more solid in my faith?
First, examine your words and your deeds. She knows you are not faithful to Jesus Christ. She knows you are inconsistent. She knows you are a double minded man and that you are unstable in all your ways.
James 1:8 A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
What is the solution?
James 4:8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.
Second, after God opens your eyes and helps you see what she sees, I would go to her, broken and contrite and confess my sin.

I would say something like this. It has to be your words and it must be genuine. Don't waste her time if it's not. Think about what you've done, not what she has or has not done. It's not about her and what she has or has not done. It's about you. When, and if, God breaks your heart, I would say something along these lines.
Sweetheart, God has convicted me that I have been so wrong. I've been wrong in my anger. I've been wrong in my harsh words. I am addicted to immorality and I know this is wrong. I have dishonored you as my wife. I have failed to truly demonstrate my love for you. I do not deserve your forgiveness, but I ask for your forgiveness. Will you forgive me?
She may be so wounded or hurt, that she's unable to forgive you. She may get angry at you. She may laugh you off. She may doubt your sincerity. But, if God truly breaks your heart, you will approach her with no strings attached. You will not expect her to confess her faults and although you hope she is able to forgive you, she may not. But this must be done.

Finally, follow the counsel you've already received from the other brothers. Be consistent in your walk in the Lord. She had much rather see a sermon than hear one any day. Be patient. Do not give up. Jesus is patient with us, isn't He?