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EDIT: My Pastor wants me to see a counsellor, or psych or something. But I don't think I need to. I don't want to go on meds. I don't want to. God can heal this. I know he can. I just need His help.
Please pray for my depression. I seem to have good days, and bad days, and I have a constant brain fog.. I'm sorry if this thread is a repeat of before. I don't have any friends I can actually talk to. My Pastor is in America at the moment.
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Brother I pray for you daily, as I am sure many on this forum do.
Dont ever apologise about repeating yourself, especially not to me anyway, by the Grace of Our Lord Jesus Christ WE will get through this time you are having.
Now what I am about to write is somewhat of a personal testimony as well and I will be open and honest about parts of my life to you and this forum to show you Brother that YOU are not alone, and that you will always have a friend and a brother to talk to.
Since I broke up with my fiancée (about 7 years or so ago ) I had been on medication for depression, I was depressed before then but I was only put on medication at that time, I have made no attempt to hide the fact I used to dabble in drugs and drink, trance music and all things contrary to the Cross of Christ, the use of lsd and ecstasy and cannabis had a profound affect on my state of mind (long term) and I plunged into a darkest depression for a long number of years, I alienated friends and family and hated myself with a passion, half the time I couldn't even get myself motivated to get out of Bed, see anyone or do anything, I was just trapped in the "fogginess" as you put it.
I went to see Psychiatrists, doctors, herbal doctors, alternative medicines etc (May I point out I was in a wretched backslidden state at this time) each had their own interpretation of WHY I was how I was and WHY I was feeling like I was, all of which I knew deep down were a pack of lies, I was the way I was because
I turned away from fellowship with God. All the depression and anxiety was from this fact, when trouble came I sought help from every place I could "see" rather" than seek help from the only place I would ever get it from, The Lord Jesus Christ.
I managed to quit the drugs (the harder ones like lsd, coke, ecstacy) I still drank and smoked cannabis from time to time, but I was still depressed and I had been on 5 or 6 different antidepressants some of which had driven me to the brink of suicide, but by the Grace of God I never managed to do such a horrible thing, but the feeling of being pulled down so low by the devil wasn't a pleasant experience, throughout all this I became involved with the wrong girl after the wrong girl, even ending up with a girl who was a practising wiccan which eventually led me to the brink again.
Through all these trials brother I was fully aware how horrible I was in the sin that I was entrenched in, a big part of the reason WHY I hated myself.
I continued this way for another year or so, dating the wrong kind of women, despising myself and turned again to cannabis as an escape from reality and this in turn led to the last time I would be brought to the edge of despair without hope. Sitting alone in my room, depressed and lost, friendless and without Hope, I felt a prick in my heart to get out my Bible from the cupboard it had been in for so long, I took it out and prayed to the Lord to show me, show me where my life was going wrong, where I could find the path again to put my life on the right course, where the depression would end and light ahead would begin, as I opened the pages of that Book, I had opened at Matthew and the FIRST verse I read was
Matthew 11:28-30 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
I was saved when I was 10 years old Brother, the recollection is hazy at best but I know that I was saved, because the Bible tells me so, my life spent outside the hedge has given me a humbling experience that I can share with many people who are in or have been in a similar situation, as a testimony to the Power of God and his Holy written word, how a lifetime it seems of carnal help, doctors, programs, methods, pills, psychiatry had no impact on me, because I was a child of God, all I needed to do was one simple thing, rely on The Lord Jesus Christ for EVERYTHING and turn once again to HIM alone and it all over time began to melt away, the fog began to lift from reading the word of God, its not an instant change Brother, It takes time, patience, wisdom, longsuffering, it takes heart which I know you have, the world and men have had an impact on you Brother and I feel that you need to forget what men think.
Your pastor ought to be ashamed to recommend you see a psychiatrist, at best he should be recommending Biblical Scriptural counselling, not humanistic babble, to be honest Brother the fellowship you are in seems to be hurting you more than helping you and your pastor is dead wrong in recommending you seek "professional" help, that lack of faith on his part certainly wont help you.
I suggest you do the same as Brother Buzz, and get away from all people for at least a day, pack up a lunch, go somewhere, just you and your Bible and Gods spirit in some place you can observe Gods glorious creation (beach, forest, mountains etc) and just be yourself with God and his word, talk to him like you would if he was sitting beside you because he is, do it in a place where no one is about in case you feel silly doing so and get all the things that weigh heavy on your heart OUT in the open and start fellowshipping with The Lord Jesus, for he will never leave thee nor forsake thee!
Hebrews 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.
Brother email me and we can swop phone numbers and anytime (regardless of time difference) you can call me if you need a friend, a brother to talk too.
You are not alone, and God will not let you down even when you let yourself down.
Isaiah 55:9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
These trials contain a blessing which you cannot measure now, but you will soon and it will all be for Gods Glory.
Stand fast Brother, time is yet short and the Judge is at the door.
Galatians 5:1 Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.