Thank you for your transparency. I find great encouragement, strength, and comfort in this invitation:
Matthew 11:28-30 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
It's Jesus alone, dear brother. Trust Him.