Ripdood,
Welcome to this forum. I'm sorry to find out about you losing your wife. A loss like that is hard to bear.
I don't think anyone here would judge you for losing your way for a time in your walk with the Lord. I have done the same thing as I know others on this forum have, too. Jesus is so faithful and kind, He never fails to bring His sheep back into his fold.
I look forward to reading anything you might post if you would ever like to do so.
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