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* The pastor will let me preach on "men's ministry nights". I get to preach to a crowd of 10 people who are already saved. That's all good and well to feed the flock, but I want to preach to the lost as well.
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You don't need a Church or a Pastor to do the latter Brother, you just need the word of God. Regardless of what modern preachers / pastors / evangelists believe about the "readiness" to preach the Gospel, the need for a great speaking voice or extreme confidence is needed to stand in front of a lost soul and proclaim the Gospel is just not true. I have seen pastors who seem shy and reserved and very softly spoken outside of a pulpit, but when they stand up there in front of their flock, Gods flock, it is not them that is preaching, but By his spirit it is the Lord Jesus Christ himself and that shy reserved humble man of God proclaims Gods word by Gods spirit!
The Apostle Paul never boasted of great confidence in his own speech, but through the Holy Ghost he set the truth on fire!
1 Corinthians 2:1 And I, brethren, when I came to you, came
not with excellency of speech or of wisdom, declaring unto you the testimony of God.
1 Corinthians 2:4 And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom,
but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:
1 Corinthians 4:19 But I will come to you shortly, if the Lord will, and will know,
not the speech of them which are puffed up, but the power.
2 Corinthians 10:10 For his letters, say they, are weighty and powerful; but his bodily presence is weak, and his speech contemptible.
2 Corinthians 11:6 But though I be rude in speech, yet not in knowledge; but we have been throughly made manifest among you in all things.
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* He will tell me my faithfulness to everything is paramount.
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Brother, you don't need to submit yourself to any pastor, you don't need to prove to any man that you are faithful enough to believe and to proclaim Gods word. If you aren't happy and you have tried and tried with no success, LEAVE. You are under no obligation to any man. You know what your best step is Brother, forget the adult lost for a minute (not completely of course) consider starting a Sunday School, preach to the Kids and I can guarantee you God will set you on fire for his word when you see him magnified in their faces. The rest will follow suit and you will find yourself being led in all humility by Gods Spirit. Preach to kids, look at their faces and excitement when you proclaim the Lord Jesus Christ and his written word and Brother I can guarantee you WILL be humbled. TRY it.
Matthew 19:14 But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.