I just came back from a funeral for one of my uncles. Due to distances, its hard to visit my extended family very much, therefor my parents and I, being the only saved people in the whole family, get very burdened for their souls, especially around funerals.
To make a much longer story shorter, the Unitarian "reverend" stood there in front of 100 greiving masonic family members, and assured them over and over how God is loving, and that my uncle was in heaven, and with them in spirit, etc.
Later on, during the reception at the lodge (I was covered head to feet in the Blood), I had a chance to speak to that "reverend" (Nicolaitan?). He said his main ministry was to the dying, assuring them of easy passage. I asked him if my uncle had been born again, to which the answer was no, then I asked him if Jesus was lying in John 3:3. Among other points, I quoted him around five scriptures for each point, all in relation to my uncle's salvation, or lack thereof. He was visibly upset, for the entrance of the Word was casting light on his apostacy. Now, both my mother and I each wrote very careful, loving letters to my uncle before he died, pleading with grace and love that he listen to the gospel of Jesus Christ. The rest of the family, being entrenched in masonry, blocked these attempts.
The anger I feel is at that "reverend", who the family DID listen to and let talk to my uncle, yet he completely perverted the Gospel into a lie that possibly cost my uncle his eternal life.
I've encountered grave apostacy left and right amongst professing christians everywhere I go (except at my new church, Praise God!), and it greives my soul to see their blank stares of unbeleif and pre-programming when actual truth is presented in the most loving, graceful way I can muster.
Also, when trying to witness in my workplace, on the street, and to my neighbors, I encounter such blindness, such willful ignorance, such scoffing and rejection of the Gospel, I often get greatly discouraged.
I won't even get into the stuff that I encountered at my old church.
I've undertaken an evangelism course and I'm about 15 weeks in. I have definately learned alot about the Biblical way to evangelize, and God has sent certain people along my path where the entire process went so perfectly, that I came away thankful that God showed me that I can be useful for Him, I am able to use what I'm learning.
I've read the promises in scripture, the examples, the admonitions about soul-winning, and I do beleive them, yet I still find my spirit beaten down, requiring much restoration in prayer on a daily basis.
I have also been laboring to share the gospel with someone very close to me, whom I have grown to love, from before I was saved. This area seems to be the worst of them all.
I've studied the Bible versions, I've studied authority of scripture, I know an awful lot about creation refuting evolution (which is a very common objection to the Bible), and the evangelism course has taught me many methods and analogies to use, but yet..
I guess I'm just trying to say I am mad at satan for his relentless assault on all fronts at keeping the people I love and care for away from the Saviour. Sometimes its so discouraging, I have difficulty enjoying the Joy of the Lord because I am so burdened sometimes. I know satan is just flaunting his works in front of me, knowing that I see them all for what they are, and taunting me into giving up by showing me what I'm up against.
I know I have the victor on my side, and working through me. I know I need to trust more on the Lord, focus on purity and yeilding control to the Holy Spirit to make me a better vessel, but its a fight, Oh Lord is it a fight.
My Flesh doth WAR against my Spirit!
I know somehow the remedy is more time in scripture, more time on my knees, more effort on my part, and more trusting in the Lord.
I guess I can answer my own questions, I know where more and more effort is needed. I then in turn become greived when I let the burdens of the day keep me away from the work to be done when I'm alone.
I apologize for the long post, without any edification to you all. I guess I just ask that you say a quick prayer for me, that this soldier would press on.
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