You read a lot into that passage.

Except a man be born again, he cannot see the Kingdom of God.

What is the Kingdom of God?

Joh 3:5 Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.

Rom 14:17 For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.

Luk 17:21 Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.

So the Kingdom of God is a spiritual kingdom, here on earth now, inside believers. A believer can enter the kingdom of God, by being born first of water (original birth) and later, the spirit (regeneration).

The very fact that Jesus tells Nicodemus he must be born again, negates unconditional election and irrisistable grace. If Jesus is telling Nicodemus that something must happen to him, and not give him any choice in the matter, then Christ is unfair.

But God forbid! Christ, in His mercy, gives Nicodemus the plan of salvation several verses later, telling him how he must be lifted up from the earth, and crucified and if Nicodemus would believe this, he would not perish, but have everlasting life.

Your reasoning is this

-A man is dead in sin, he cannot believe the gospel
-He must be born again by the spirit to see the Kingdom of God
-The Kingdom of God is the gospel
-A man must be born again before believing the gospel
-Believing the gospel is evidence of being born again

WRONG

- A man is dead in sin
- He believes the gospel
- He is born again
- He is in the Kingdom of God and can see the Kingdom of God (joy, peace, righteousness in him).
- Being born again is the fruit of believing the gospel.

Amen and Amen.