I attended Charity Baptist church for a time; by then Bro. Estep had suffered a stroke and had stepped down as the pastor, but I spent some time with him, talking and discussing certain things. By then I'm sure he had mellowed down a lot, and Bro. Gresham (the man who took over as pastor) seems much less controlling than Bro. Estep is reported to have been, but from what I could tell, Bro. Greg was very kind and compassionate.
I also was in a church that, while not affiliated in any way with Bro. Estep or Dr. Ruckman, suffered a tremendous wound from an overly-controlling pastor. He even went so far as to put his foot on my little cousin's neck (as an illustration) and say that's how submitted the church members should be toward their pastor. Over 70% of the people in the church (including my family and two uncles/aunts) left within a month of each other, leaving a terrible gash in one of the most awesome churches I've been in. We were the most tightly-knit group of people, supporting almost 50 missionaries with a congregation of little more than 50-75 people altogether.
The pastor is a man just like anyone else in the church; however, when he stands up to preach, the people should respect that man's office, and the authority that God gives him to preach. He is not the head of anyone; Christ is. He's an undershepherd, not the shepherd. Yes, getting into that mess approaches Nicolaitinism, which is a thing that God hates.
On a side note: Bro. Estep and Dr. Ruckman had a falling-out many years ago; apparently it was over Daniel's 70th week, and seemed an incredibly ignorant thing to part ways over. I don't know when this happened, but by the time we came to the church, Dr. Ruckman was a sort of ignored topic; they sold his stuff and obviously agreed on 95% of doctrine, but there was a coldness there that was a little off-putting.
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